Proverbs 11:16 Honor or riches_

A gracious woman retains honor, But ruthless men retain riches. Proverbs‬ ‭11:16‬ ‭NKJV‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

The second part of the proverb is translated various ways: “diligent men” (Rotherham), “violent men” (NAS), “strong men” (KJV). The Hebrew word means: mighty, oppressor, in great power, strong, terrible, violent and usually applied in a negative context.

Both graciousness and ruthlessness retain something — honor or riches. Honor is given, riches are taken — by force.

Graciousness at it’s core is honoring. The word gracious means extending grace and kindness to another. The Hebrew word means to bend or stoop in kindness to an inferior; to favor, bestow; causatively to implore. Contrast that to the ruthlessness, which at its core is dishonoring. It doesn’t extend grace or flexibility.

Attitudes of heart underlay our effectiveness, but the things we esteem, our values, determine what it is we are effective at — with kindness contrasted with strength, and honor contrasted with wealth. They are both qualities of heart and character — yet one focuses on the eternal while the other is a means to navigate the temporary. One is for elevating, respecting another, the other is for lowering, dominating and subjugating.

Why the gender contrast between the gracious woman (also translated wife) and the ruthless man?

There are many gracious men, but when I think of graciousness lived out, it is a woman’s face I see. If behavior is plotted on a spectrum, one side is empathy (how we treat others), the other is violence (the absence of empathy). I’ve also seen ruthless women, but the most vivid picture comes in the form of a man. Why? The general disposition found within genders helps me understand this. Women, particularly mothers, are empathic, relational, caring and nurturing in a usually smaller, meeker body. Most things she accomplishes are not with brute force. Women are much more adept at visual cues, navigating emotions and relationships and the intricacies of what one feels. Just think, when a baby first arrives and with no clear communication, the mother must determine all that he or she needs. An amazing feat if you ask me. Empathy is not always a skill one is born with, but it can be developed out of necessity.

On the other end of the spectrum is (typically) the larger, bigger boned man who must work, “get it done,” conduct business, plow the field, and provide the resources needed. Through action or force he will accomplish his purposes. If riches were an object, the strong will overpower the weak to take it. Might wins. But when does might make right? Never.

Stripping aside gender norms, graciousness and violence are equal-opportunity traits. No need to be offended when Solomon writes without regard to our 21st century cultural sensitivities. Yet, in the behaviors available for daily works there remains a primal tendency to either honor or gain supremacy through violence. Men and women use both to their advantage. But when the dust clears, history is written, what will I be remembered for: graciousness or riches? How I have treated others, or the “W” I have on my scorecard?

So it was that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels to Abraham’s bosom. The rich man also died and was buried. But Abraham said (to the rich man), ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, and likewise Lazarus evil things; but now he is comforted and you are tormented. Luke‬ ‭16:22, 25‬ ‭NKJV‬‬