Vulnerability and a new relationship with God_

Our hearts are like subterranean pools, full of refreshing water and waiting to be found. There are so many pools that are unexplored and yet undiscovered. Hearts and souls are the playgrounds of our closest friends. There is nothing like the feeling of being known, loved, accepted, and bringing delight to another for who I am. Can someone really find pleasure and value in me? Although I am not always conscious of it, my soul is constantly looking for that answer. Who values what I value? Who may understand the perspective from which I look at things and enjoy it like I do?

The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out. Proverbs‬ ‭20:5‬ ‭NIV

At the core of my person is a guarded place. Very few have access. This is the place to which I have invited my Father. He loves dwelling within me. He created me and infused me with the essence of His person. A snippet of Himself. And he enjoys seeing how I have grown in what He has planted. Despite the layers that I and others overlay or project upon me — interpreting me through a different value system than the raw love and acceptance that welcomed my birth — I contain his image. The unfiltered person of my childhood. The authentic transparency to which my family was exposed when I was young. Yet, as I’ve aged, filters are attached. Layers are added. I am buried within a complexity which makes me more difficult to know. Yet, I am still growing and developing and becoming. The seeds of authenticity from which I began continues to shape in my life.

So, here I am.

And, there you are.

We each have a capacity to allow others into our lives. Openness and vulnerability is not something I offer quickly, or all at once, even if I’m an extrovert and others perceive me as an “open book.” Relationship is incremental. Peeling back the layers of my heart and exposing my real self takes time. And in reality, they are sacred moments when it happens. I don’t know myself fully until I interact with others and look in the mirror of their perception of me. Relating to another is an act of trust. And trust comes from belief. Faith that the person with whom I vulnerable will not harm me, but rather, will value me. As obvious as this sounds, when I open up, it’s to someone else. Someone I don’t control, nor do I know their motives. And in this transaction of knowing another person I find a key, or a symbol, of knowing God.

Intimacy and closeness with another helps me to know Him.

Is it any wonder that there is a flow of distraction that keeps us from authentic connection, relationship, and conversation — from the iPhone and media that constantly stream to me offering a sense of pseudo-value and a real-time escape from connection? Busyness. Distraction. Often, once an interpersonal exchange begins with another, from it erupts suspicion, tension, and rough edges that rub me the wrong way. It’s like our heart is a kingdom guarded by these angry little watchmen doing anything to keep everyone out. To keep us from closeness to others.

Distraction started in the garden with Adam. He was placed in the world that had all that he needed. Food. Safety. Eve. And a regular time in the cool of the day walking with the Creator. But for some reason he began to value the work of his hands above the marvelous connectedness with the Father. What a fateful slip! He ended up trading intimacy for work. Making a living by the sweat of his brow. It’s as if God said, “Work? You prefer the work you are doing? Then fine. Work it shall be. What you used to get freely and without effort  will now only be supplied because of your efforts. No longer will you have the capacity to roam and discover in my kingdom without distraction.” Oh! What we lost!

Now we see it. And we may return to it. A reclaimed place with Him in the heavens while still living in our fallen condition of earth.

And I may find it in others. Everyone’s heart is a potential playground. The Father is very close when those interactions occur. When another opens their soul to me, they open to my Father. There is nothing more powerful than desire for another. And within that desire is not only a value for what they are, but a hope that they too value me. Love and affection are some of the deepest human emotions. They are life giving.

I sense that if I desire to know God and discover him, the many rooms of his house (Jesus spoke of in John 14) are located very close to me. Sitting next to me on the bus or at work. Going to bed with me at night. Hustling and bustling about me during my day. Showing up in the face of friends and family. If I peel back the veil of flesh, I see Him. His love, acceptance, grace, playfulness. Our God is close. All around me. Will I allow those divine transactions so I may know him more?